The sun and The Moon
by Selene1864
Summary: Jackson and april find their way back to each other after losing themselves in tragedy. Disclaimer: all the characters in this story belong to shonda rhimes P.s reviews are like brownies.
1. Chapter 1

She felt like an untethered boat in the middle of the sea. She was lost. So she looked for her north star except it was eclipsed by a mass of black clouds.

Her faith which had been her saviour through all the hard times had now deserted her. All that was left in its place was emptiness and alcohol.

She sighed , as she walked to the kitchen to fill her glass with wine again, when she saw the ultrasonogram of Samuel. It was the first chip in the block and everything had come tumbling after. Tears filled her eyes as traced her little bean, her Buddha on the picture before she ripped it from the refrigerator door and flung it on the floor. " I'm sorry" ," I'm sorry I literally failed at every single role I took up in life" she let out a mirthless chuckle.

Why her? What had she done wrong to deserve this? So she screamed - high pitched and guttural- At the God that betrayed her;At her husband who hadn't fought back; At her son who had left too soon. She screamed and bellowed ; till her voice was hoarse; till all the pain in her heart became the pain in her throat.

Oh how far the mighty fall. Goody two shoes April kepner was now a crazy alcoholic . She giggled at it's absurdity. The giggles gave way to hysterical laughter and soon enough she was bawling.

There was a knock on the door. She hiccuped and took a deep breath in an effort to stop her tears. Wiping her tears with the back of her hand to open the door to find Jackson standing on the other side bouncing Harriet on his hip.

She raised her eyebrow. He raised his too in response to such a foreign expression on her face. "Are you busy?" She scowls at him. It was a stupid question to ask after all. It was her day off and her coffee stained pjs were an obvious indication. He shrugs then not wanting to get into a row. It seemed that was all existed between them now - anger and indifference. Then he said his tone bland " she was crying through the night. Refusing to sleep so I thought she needed you. To sing .. " and then he waves his hand in the air referring to the other things she does for their daughter to calm her down, not knowing what they were. " you can keep her till friday" she opens her mouth to ask how he knows when her off days end and then stops herself realising that he is in fact her boss. Then she smiles at him. A proper one filled with gratitude. For what he had unknowingly done or maybe with complete knowledge of her state of mind.

They were like that the two of them. Two new running criss cross in a quilt ; much more before than now; When they could reach other just by looking, even though such things happened only in books. Her smile grew wider. Eyes twinkling in understanding." Thank you." Then, " good night " he echoes her smile. Their shared secret , a knowledge of the connection that refused to be broken.


	2. Chapter 2

She felt horrible and utterly despondent. The patient had come with a case of aneurysm , that could have easily been clipped. But then she had died because of a rebleed. A complication that occurred in 30% of the patients. Sometimes she felt like she was the harbinger of bad luck. The thought left a bad taste in her mouth. Soon, she found herself outside Joe's.

It had hardly been an hour. But she was so drunk that she could barely make out the faces of the interns pouring her another drink. She had half a mind to refuse but then she remembered her patient gently taking her palm and telling her not to worry too much. She recollected her comforting smile and warm eyes and the tears started to fall again. She had told her she was divorced and the woman had hardly batted an eye when she asked her whose death had caused it. She had looked at her nonplussed. When she had said ,' you don't seem like the kind to love recklessly. Bad things sometimes happen to good people, don't beat yourself over it.' And for a moment the pain in her heart had eased a little. It felt nice to hear it.

So ,she resolved to get plastered. " What is going on here?" The voice sounded furious and familiar at the same time Abruptly her vision was blocked by green eyes that knew her intimately. His grip on her arm was like a vice. He pulled her down from the table top without caring, if she bumped her hips on the table corners. She groaned silently.

One minute she breathing the scotch on his breath and a smell that was all him and the next she was in the car breathing the sir fresher. "Where is harriet? " she demanded slightly miffed at being treated liked a child. But she knew that she couldn't fight Jackson when he became like this." Maybe you should look after yourself first before worrying about our daughter " he snapped. She lifted her head to look at him. She could see two versions of Jackson both looking equally mad and suddenly she was scared." Are you going to take her away from me ? ". Surprised he turned to looks at April. She looked so small and so scared that he never wanted her to look at him like that again ." I'll never do that to you. " and then to clarify , " whatever happened the last time was a misunderstanding, okay." He explained drawing circles on her knee. " go to sleep now April. "

He took her to his apartment, partly wanting to look after her and partly afraid she'd do something rash and regrettable.

Her head was pounding and her mouth was parched. She lifted her hand to shield her eyes against the stream of sunlight making it's way through the curtains. Squinting she took in her surroundings. Something about it seemed awfully familiar. She gasped ,when she recognised Jackson's tote bag tossed carelessly against the door.

She was angry. What gave him the right to meddle. She had a few..., no, several choice things to say to him. She flung the door open and made her way to the living room.

There on the couch, was Jackson, lying on his back , his hand curled underneath a pillow, snoring softly. She smiled sappily.  
He did always look cute when he slept. He slept with wild abandon. The frown often creasing his forehead, absent. Then she looked at the half empty wine bottle and the soggy chips on the table and felt guilty.

She was halfway out of the door when her things tumbled out of her hands with a loud crash. The sound aroused Jackson and he focused his bleary eyes on April. They spoke at the same time." I'm Sor.. "  
" where do you think you're sneaking off to ?"

"You aren't my father" she fumed.

"Fine. See if I care!" He yelled." You are always leaving anyway. " he said defeated.

She opened her mouth to defend herself and then stopped .Where had that come from? Those words brought mountains of guilt crashing down on her.

She was tired. She was just ,so fucking tired of hiding all the pain, the sadness, regret and guilt. She was done acting like everything was fine. She was done trying to make everything look okay again.

She was leaning against him. They were sitting on the couch, their thighs touching and arms entangled. "I'm sorry" she said not emptying the last dregs of the coffee he had made perfectly. " sometimes you hurt me more than I could ever hurt you "  
" But how much you hurt someone can't be measured. Pain is pain. Big or small. " she argued  
" Sometimes you hurt me so much without intending too." He sighed ." It's fucking scary."  
"sometimes it scares me too, the way you know the exact buttons to push to turn me into a sodding mess."  
Jackson leaned into her , " we hurt the people we love the most."  
"Hmm" she nodded into his shoulder, his hand painfully digging into her waist. If love can save you, it can also turn you to dust but the kind that sparkles in the sunlight.


End file.
